Parenting is

Crying on the living room floor isn't going to get me my Americano.  Moments like this I know stopping at two kids is the right decision.

This morning I found myself cursing under my breath, hoping to god my 4 year old would finish his breakfast so I could let him watch cartoons, thus allowing me to get my coffee.  He did 1 hour 45 minutes, a naughty spot, and all my sanity later.  This is parenting.

Parenting is your 1 year old concertedly frowning at her blubbering heap of a mother.  Then climbing on top of said mess to give kisses until giggles erupt.

Parenting is requiring your 4 year old to rephrase in the form of a question fifty times a day, until he understands you're not his servant.
Parenting is realizing he learned it from you, and changing the way you speak to your spouse.

Parenting is apologizing to your child for yelling, and acting like a 4 year old yourself.

Parenting is giving up on a clean kitchen and reading Violet the Pilot for the hundredth time.

Parenting is learning to have compassion for yourself, so your children will grow up knowing how to have compassion towards themselves and others.

Parenting is vulnerability.  Unparalleled joy and simultaneous sadness that these moments won't last forever.

Parenting is knowing you will have regrets but trying your best anyways.

What is parenting to you?

Beauty and The Beast part 1

"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."  -Anna Quindlen

This quote pervaded my week.  Reading it in Brene Brown's book The Gifts of Imperfection (http://www.brenebrown.com/), I felt acutely aware of its significance.  Even if translating the significance to specifics proved challenging.  I know what the first part means.  Being perfect is what I've devoted most of my life to.  So stop doing that.

For several weeks prior I pondered the subject of perfectionism.  More specifically, the birthplace of perfectionism.  Shame.  Perfectionism is born to keep shame at bay.  Control it, appease it, offer a human sacrifice, feed the beast.

The quote also reveals, attempting to become perfect is a deterrent to becoming yourself.  What the f#ck!  If someone told me this years ago, I might have bailed on the perfectionism shtick.  My therapist recently mentioned that everything I do, I try to do perfectly.  Inevitably when I fail, because perfection is not achievable, I beat myself over the head (bring on the shame).  She said I have to be the perfect client (for my personal trainer), perfect wife, perfect daughter, perfect mom, perfect student, perfect marathon runner.  Heck, I even try to be the perfect therapy patient.  Her putting it in those words clarified things somehow.

Perfectionism revolves around how I appear to others.  It is unconcerned with who I actually am or what I want.  To be a perfectionist is to be inauthentic.  Because perfectionism is always more concerned with feeding the beast, than with me.

So I'm giving notice.  I surrender all attempts at perfection.  Things are going to get messy.  Living authentically is the goal.  This may seem obvious to some, or self-indulgent to others.  But that's no longer my concern.  I am going to do things because I want to, because I love to do them, not in an effort to prove anything, not to feed the beast.  

Wonder Woman and me

Most of my energy, time, and effort goes into everything I have NOT done.  What is already accomplished falls to the wayside, wreckage left in the shadow of everything that "should" be done.  However, it occurs to me this morning, as I contemplate how to get packing done, study for my personal trainer certification, train for my half marathon, write this blog, practice my guitar, and make healthy meals for my beautiful children, that I am infinitely more productive than I give myself credit for.

How many women are like me?  We get up early with the kids, make breakfast, give kisses, make sure they use the restroom, start laundry, turn on cartoons so we can study or work for an hour, while the kids get their daily dose of brain to mush.  If we are at all similar, you inevitably feel bad you allowed them to watch "too much" TV and play with them next.  After which, one child takes a nap, and you take the rare opportunity to load the dishwasher (and remove food particles from the living room rug).  We do have standards.

Maybe you need to run to the bank today, or go grocery shopping (to keep at least one daily serving of vegetables in your children's diet).  Maybe you're hoping to work out later, get work done, give a few moments to that self help book, or the dearly loved but neglected hobby that always sits at the bottom of your "To Do" list.  Maybe your child is screaming and hitting your keyboard as you read this (like mine is).

The point is, you're not going to finish everything on your list today.  Whether the list is attached to your fridge or in your mind is irrelevant.  Accept it, let it sink in, embrace it, love it.  Wonder Woman couldn't dent that damn list.

You will get one or two things done.  Celebrate that!  Give attention to what you accomplished.  You gave hugs, kisses, time, food, wiped noses (and maybe bottoms).  You may have found time for that work out, even if it only included a walk around the block with the stroller.  The point is, focus on what you did do.  This is the human experience, we're meant to be imperfect, beautiful messes.  Wonder Woman has nothing on you.