This quote pervaded my week. Reading it in Brene Brown's book The Gifts of Imperfection (http://www.brenebrown.com/), I felt acutely aware of its significance. Even if translating the significance to specifics proved challenging. I know what the first part means. Being perfect is what I've devoted most of my life to. So stop doing that.
For several weeks prior I pondered the subject of perfectionism. More specifically, the birthplace of perfectionism. Shame. Perfectionism is born to keep shame at bay. Control it, appease it, offer a human sacrifice, feed the beast.
The quote also reveals, attempting to become perfect is a deterrent to becoming yourself. What the f#ck! If someone told me this years ago, I might have bailed on the perfectionism shtick. My therapist recently mentioned that everything I do, I try to do perfectly. Inevitably when I fail, because perfection is not achievable, I beat myself over the head (bring on the shame). She said I have to be the perfect client (for my personal trainer), perfect wife, perfect daughter, perfect mom, perfect student, perfect marathon runner. Heck, I even try to be the perfect therapy patient. Her putting it in those words clarified things somehow.
Perfectionism revolves around how I appear to others. It is unconcerned with who I actually am or what I want. To be a perfectionist is to be inauthentic. Because perfectionism is always more concerned with feeding the beast, than with me.
So I'm giving notice. I surrender all attempts at perfection. Things are going to get messy. Living authentically is the goal. This may seem obvious to some, or self-indulgent to others. But that's no longer my concern. I am going to do things because I want to, because I love to do them, not in an effort to prove anything, not to feed the beast.
Love it!
ReplyDeleteThank you Lisa!
ReplyDeleteGood, good! Isn't it freeing?! I've been living messy for awhile now and it's VERY out of my comfort zone, but I know that easing up on the perfection bit is sooooo very good and healthy for me! I'm confronting some very dark insecurities and actually achieving something! I had found in my own life that I didn't do things I wanted to simply because I felt I couldn't do them perfectly...so why try?? Silly, but man did it have a hold on me! So proud of you!
ReplyDeleteIt's not silly at all Kim. So many people let fear, shame, and perfectionism keep them from doing things. Everyone is afraid of being judged by others, but in reality most are too busy judging themselves to judge anyone else.
ReplyDeleteI recently read a mantra that summed it up: Perfect is the enemy of done.
Love it. And thank you by the way. I am thrilled to be on this journey too.